Isn’t it amazing ?

How did I made my way here again?
I swore that I shouldn’t be here again.
Yet, here I am...
Time after time
Years after year

Haven’t I been through enough?
What did I do in my past life to deserve all these.

This is still the only place I can rant without people judging me
Too emo, too dark, too needy.
This is not me that they know, so I don’t want to bother them with this.
Everyone get irritated with emo people.
Period.
I don’t want to be a bother to others..

I’m so tired..

Is it good people never ends well?

Should I be a bad person now ?

-hUiz-

Yet Again - 2017

It is very sad to be back here.
Because as I always say, this is the to-go place when I am out of writs.

5 years on, nothing hit me that hard to throw me back here.
But yet again. I'm here.

It's so sad, heart wrenching to know that I have to go through this again.
Why?

Am I not good ? What have I done wrong ?
Is being an understanding girlfriend not good enough?
Is being a trustful girlfriend to you not good enough
Is being stable and planning for the future not good enoug

But I never regretted.
So much memories that I hold close to my heart
I trusted with all I have, I love with all I have.

The silence is deafening
Words can't describe my lost of speech

I am not dying that the relationship ended.
Just the immerse depth of overwhelming sadness.
To everything.

And the ability to love and trust yet again.

Being in this blog again reminds me of who I am,
the values I hold,
the trust I have
the love I gave

hUiz

I am back here again. Well, not surprising as I always knew I wasn't a lucky girl. Just as I thought I would be happy from then on.. It was just the building up for more pain and sorrow. This is bull shit. i wish when i wake, these are all just a dream. I wish nothing ever happen and I have never met him.

Dream...

I dreamt about you again..

Isn't that amazing? After all these time...

I didn't think about you, didn't try to keep in contact..

But still... You appear in my dreams every noe and then.. Why?

Why do you still appear?

This isn't right at all..

We ended wayyy ago, although when I see you, there is still this tingling feeling but..

I am happy, you are happy now too..

So WHY DO I STILL DREAM ABOUT YOU!?!?

It's driving me nuts..

Haiz

fml.. i am back at this bloody blog again..
i felt like i lost him.. totally.
he made his choice and it is inevitable.
there will be a day where this will happen.
Just not sure it was this fast..

i can still rmb the days we spent together.
even thought not alot, but it was quality time.

the day he told me about what happened to his hand..
the day he cried in front of me..

i felt like i want to protect him, care for him and dote on him like my little brother.
i was so bias to him was clear for everyone to see..

Just never expect him to walk away from my life like that..

Feel the heart sank all the way down..
Really aint sure if any of the words i said express what i really feel.

I felt i lost him =(
sad max.

If only.. maybe it's my fault.. i shouldnt have said a thing abt his gf...
his precious gf..

What can i do now?

Awkward... =(

This is my second regret.

First was ah xing. now is him.
Sux max.

But down to reality. i am nothing to him.
we are not blood related. ( but i really treat him as one..)

Damn. i hate coming back to this bloody blog.

Jace

Heartbreaking...

It's really sad...
To hear something like that from someone you love..

Did he marry me to change me?
Did he have to say it so loud in front of others?

I know i am untidy, i like to leave things here and there...
But so? it kills for you to pick it up?
It kills that you have to be mad about it & say that you dont even know why you marry me?

Just because i left my med on the coffee table & mag on the floor?
Does it bothers you that much that you have to say something so bad?

Now i really wonder, why you marry me for? You knew what/who i was already.
And you are picking & complaining... Did i ever ?

Dont say you dont have flaws, but i never complain..
Dont ask me to list coz i never remember them.

I know my own flaws, i try to change, i try to improve.
But you shouldnt have said that i NEVER CHANGE! TELL ME, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SAME PROBLEM?

Jace

Back aGAIN

Whenever you see me back here..
Means i am out of my wits to talk to anyone or totally broken up inside..

I dont know why...
Maybe i am really not a good wife material..
I cannot be that perfect wife that cooks in the kitchen & tidy the house..

i wanna get away from all this..
away & far..

everytime i say this.. it onlys bleeds my heart..
Coz i know i can never go away...
My heart is so soft...

i whim at everything he says, he does..
he is always right.. i am always wrong ( well most of the time)

i guess thats how it goes..

byes...